Loss and reality hits

“The light of a distant star continues to reach the Earth long after
the star itself is gone.”~Author Unknown

I have started to write my blog today about 4 times. I wanted to talk some more about market and have a little give a way.  I’m stuck.

The truth of it right here and right now is that so many times in the past few months I have been so busy designing ,writing (something special is in the works ) that I have put some strong emotions on the back burner. I have been preoccupied with Silver Thimble business there was so much to do. Now, market is behind me, the new project is in the rear view mirror..it is time to slow down a bit. This new found “time” brings with it the stark reality of the loss of our first grandchild in May and the grief that has been quietly put on a shelf in my heart.  While it is never far from mind…it hasn’t been dealt with..faced..and “handled” from the grandparent perspective.

 I’m  taking Emily’s lead and blogging a bit about this. She has written so beautifully about their process but I have always stayed away from that because I felt that it was their story…and it is, and always will be. The truth is, it is also a family story. We all feel the loss and we are all a “mess” at different times. Emily might be having a good day and Russ a bad, I might be having a good day and Emily a bad. We all throw each other into tailspins on a regular basis. Guess what..the holidays are on the way. Can we just call it all off? 

When you are the parent..and in particular the mother. We make holidays happen, and YOU KNOW what I’m talking about. The decorating, shopping, cooking, entertaining blahhh blahh blahhh. Can’t we just call this off? I don’t think I have it in me. ok so I’ll rally, I’m a mother right and if I don’t make it happen we will all be in a mess!!!  This is just my momentary mental breakdown..I scheudled it for Nov 1 but it is taking a bit longer.

I miss that baby boy. I want to hold him and be his grandmother and spoil him to pieces. I want to put him in little John John suits and listen to his football coach daddy tell me that this is the last time I can dress him like that. I want to rock him in the middle of the night so his mommy and daddy can get some much needed sleep. I wanted to give him ice cream for breakfast just because I can I loved him so much. He was going to win the nobel peace prize and the Heisemann (sp?) trophy and be President and a great artitst and be an Olympic swimmer and an Olympic Hockey player and he was going to be a famous actor! He was all that for us. Jackson Neil DeLoach you are so loved and missed. My heart breaks for the loss of you. There I said it. publically..on my blog. 

I’ll be back with some fun, I swear it!  for today..just loss and recovery time. Thanks for putting up with me and this sad stuff. I really am getting better. kinda

Emily’s blog: www.footprintsand hope.blogspot.com  
get some tissue