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”  For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”  Psalm 139:13-14
So much to say, so much to tell, so much to feel, so much to write about. This blog post may be long or short. It will not be about quilts. We will get back to that in time. I need to express some thoughts just this one time and then I will be done. First, let me thank each and every one who commented on my blog when we first lost Jackson. I have read each one and still go back and read them again and again. Comments are so wonderful, comforting and amazing. I have never met you, each of the comments are held in my heart and in Andy’s heart as he reads them as well! The kindness of strangers, A GOOD/NO GREAT THING. By the way I accidentally hit a button and converted the blog post announcing Jackson’s passing to a draft! Holy Cow that was dumb. Luckily I still have the comments.I plan to print them out so I can read them often.

I try to write joyfully about my amazing life, family and friends. My blog is personal and has become a source of pride and new friends. I hope this post will not be the cause of any saddness for those who choose to read it.  If you don’t want to stay and read this whole post I certainly understand and I hope you will return to be with me again. Today, it is my time to throw my thoughts on the wall thus beginning my process of grieving and healing. 

On Sunday May 6th Emily went into labor. We, Andy, myself and our youngest daughter Mary Beth (who lives downtown) got the call around 8pm I believe and packed quickly to go to Asheville. (many of you know we live in the burbs of Atlanta 3.5 hours away from Asheville.) We raced through the night to get to the hospital arriving there about 3:30 am. We joined Emily and Russ in their labor room. At 10 am we were told she was at 10cm and was ready to start pushing.It was at this time we were exiting the labor room. Emily and Russ said   Mom you are staying”.  I think that those words were the biggest honor I have ever received. I was going to be with them at the birth!  She pushed without complaint for 2 hours..she was amazing. Russ was so calm and what a great coach!  Things suddenly turned bad Jackson’s heart rate droped from 147 to 55 and then gone from the monitors. She was rushed to the operating room. I don’t think I will ever forget the look of terror on Emily and Russ’ face as they were swept away.

I was left standing alone in the hall. I found the waiting room and gathered the family to tell them what had happened. We waited for what seemed like hours in fact it was maybe 20 min. They came and told us the news..For about 15 seconds before they told us I was not sure if we had lost Jackson or Emily or both.. We were whisked into a private room. Within minutes someone came in and said ”  We need Pat”   I was  told that Emily and Russ wanted me. With the speed of light I was flying to the operating room. They were throwing a gown, mask, hat and booties on me. I remember asking God to be with me and help me find the right words for my children. Special note: I consider Russ to be my son in every way…I know he is my Son in Love, but that is just a technicality.
Jackson was dead. The entire operating room was in tears. Our nurse told us what they were going to do. At first I was dumbstruck. They were cleaning Jackson up and finishing Emily’s surgery and they were going to bring Jackson to us. They did not ask us if this is what we wanted they just said to trust them, they knew about this process and this was going to help us in the end. We were taken to surgery recovery for about an hour and then taken again to her hospital room (not on the mother baby hall). We had Jackson the whole time. hours and hours. While I don’t think I will ever stop aching from the sight of my daughter and son holding her sweet baby, gone too soon, I will say that in then end, we WERE AND ARE comforted by having had him for some time in our arms. All of us held him and spoke to him. Our nurse went and found my camera while we were in the recovery room and hospital room and took many photos. Again, I was shocked and not sure why she felt the need to do this but I knew that this was not the time to question. Again..she was right. The photos are in my possession and when ready, Emily and Russ will look at them and they will decide what to do with them. I’m glad they are there. Note to self: let the professionals do their job at all times and keep your mouth shut! 
We left Emily and Russ that night around 10pm I think. They were in the bed together holding Jackson. They said their goodbyes to their son privately. I can’t imagine their pain. I  know that Andy and I have said we would gladly give our lives to breathe life into that baby! From a personal view I have learned that losing a baby is unimaginable pain..and watching your children endure that pain is, well there simply just no words for that.
On Tuesday the process of making decision after decision on what they wanted began. As things go, so many different decisions had to be presented to them each one came with its own pain and agony.  Autopsy? Burial? Internment? Nursery? Service? Where, When, How? So much more. Heartbreak and agony at every turn. This is coupled with the physical stuff of a C-section and fever which came around on Wednesday.Emily was struggling and I will add she never complained. She was focused on Russ..and he was completely focused on her. I think she must have said about a million times to every person who entered her room. ” Thank you so much you are so kind to me.   I’m pretty sure she thanked the cleaning folks for cleaning the bathroom. She also told every health care person very quietly to take care of her because Russ didn’t need to lose both of them. Again thinking only of her Russ. Russ was so focused on her comfort and health. I offered to sleep at the hospital and let him go home and rest in his bed but he would have NONE of that! He was busy loving her through it all.  We all felt the exhaustion but no where, no time and no ability to rest for anyone. 

Emily’s childhood best friend, who just had a baby herself came to Emily’s bedside and they got in bed, hugged and cried like two little girls together. Russ’ childhood best friend came to him as well. These two brought comfort to them as only dear friends can! LOVE IN ACTION! 

Emily did not get released until late on Friday because of the fever. A memorial service was planned for Saturday (when the fever came we also made alternate plans to spring her from the hospital and return her if need be.)  It was their request to have it and have it quickly. As I was laying in bed about 3am middle of the night. I remember asking God to help me plan this EVENT because I’ve never planned anything like this and Asheville is not my town. Frankly I’m terrific at planning weddings and showers and dinner parties…so how in the world was I ever going to pull this one off? Don’t get me wrong there were plenty of family and friends there to help but as we all know there has to be a point person!  I didn’t want to burden Emily and Russ with decisions. Little did I know there was a surprise coming…angels on earth! 
On Tuesday morning when I arrived there were a whole group of men in Emily’s hospital room. Mostly coaches from Russ’ school (Russ is a High School teacher and coach, football and baseball). I sort of heard Russ talking to a man (he will be nameless..not sure if I should use it here in this public way). He is associated with the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. Later that day I asked Russ if possibly he could help us with our little memorial. Russ and Emily’s only requests in the planning was that it be peaceful, no wearing black, and in a beautiful setting. (once again..I don’t live in Asheville, heck I don’t even know where Target is!)
Russ called his friend and he came to meet with us at 10 o’clock Wednesday and brought another one of the coaches from Russ’ school. Andy, Russ, Mary Beth were also there. We sat in the waiting room and he pulled out a notebook and laid out the complete memorial. Asked us if we would like family or friends to read from the Old and New Testament..we said yes and mentioned two close family friends. There was a moment during this first meeting when everyone was talking, throwing out ideas and I was silently swept away their mouths were moving but I did not hear a thing! I was INSTANTLY peaceful. I’m certain I was being embraced by God. My 3am prayer had been answered! I never looked back or worried about the service again. Emily’s friend and sorority sister from college (who also lives in Asheville and in the same neighborhood)  was right there to help with the planning she was an angel to us! Andy called her THE ROCK. She knew what we needed before we spoke the words! Andy and she struck off to scout a location. They took my camera (busy little camera huh?). Russ and Emily settled on the Arboretum after they saw the photos, which has a lovely amphitheater. Emily was luckily  discharged Friday evening.
On Saturday the weather was cool and a bit breezy, slightly overcast a bit grey we all hoped there would be no rain. Ok, get ready for this next part…. When Mr. FCA was delivering his sermon he was speaking about HOPE. During this time the grey sky changed rapidly to bright sunshine, the breeze stopped and we were quickly warmed. A few minutes later our slightly overcast sky and cool breeze returned. Take this for what you choose…I know that every person in the amphitheater was moved and they are still talking about it! You can ask them!
Friends and angels on earth. Emily and Russ have only lived in Asheville for 3 years. They just built their first home and are so happy to be living in such a beautiful city and they both love their jobs (Emily Pharmaceutical Sales, Russ Education). When my thoughts turn to them I picture them in their precious house enjoying each other, watching movies and landscaping, enjoying their new city. I often wonder if they have made many friends. THERE WERE OVER 200 PEOPLE at Jackson’s Memorial. We were overwhelmed with the love, kindness and generosity of their friends,and our friends, makes me weep with joy and thankfulness. Our family’s were all there, our quilting friends, and book club were all there (from Atlanta!) and those that could not come have emailed, sent cards, flowers and donations to the March of Dimes and so much more. Our hearts are so full of gratitude and joy for the love and support of so many. How blessed we are. 
Andy and Mary Beth came back home on Sunday. Mary Beth had to go back to work and Andy needed to get some work done and touch base with Sophie our aging dog. We decided that I would come home Wednesday. I had some concerns, Mary Beth went back to her job and roomates, I was with Russ and Emily, Andy was left alone and grieving so I needed to come home.  I left yesterday to the saddest drive I have ever made. The drive was worsened by a phone call from Andy
saying Sophie was in bad shape possibly had a stroke and we would probably have to put her to sleep, which we did.  She was our loyal companion for 14 years. I could not make it home in time to be the last person she saw as she past away, I was at least 2.5 hours from home. 

So where are we now? We live in between horrible and hope. The autopsy report showed that Jackson was perfect in every way. Russ and Emily walked into the hospital with a full term (37 weeks 2 days) a perfectly healthy baby. Through an accident of birth which caused the cord to separate too soon from the placenta we lost Jackson. This is the horrible part.  The hopeful part is that there is NO NO NO reason why Emily and Russ will not be able to have children in the future. The time frame for this is up to the doctors and God. We wait in hope with our arms open.

Me personally. I don’t know where I am right now. These past days have been focused on this amazing young couple who so early in their marriage (3years) have experienced unspeakable loss. I know that I have yet to come to grips with all this and have grieving and reflection ahead. I know that as we said during this week and a half, we can be Bitter or Better. I choose Better. I am changed forever for the better…that path is where I go now. My comfort is that I walk this path with my amazing life companion the love of my life my Andy, our children and family. I walk my path with with more love and friendships than I can possibly list here. As was sung at the memorial…  It is Well With My Soul”.


I thank you are staying to read this blog post. It took me 2,500 hours to get this done LOT O TEARS IN THE WRITING! We will return to quilts very soon. Tomorrow I go to Thimbles club I can’t wait to see everyone and hug their necks which is what we do a lot of here! They bring a special magic and joy to everything. There are some photos which I may gather with one more post..we will see. I want to hit publish for now and get this special blog post off to read. Would love to hear from you!again and again and again..love to all!

Comments

  1. 1

    Thank you so much for taking the time and the emotional energy to share something so personal and so profoundly sad with us, most of whom are virtual strangers. I am still so sorry that you and your family are suffering from now TWO losses, but I smile to see that you still recognize the love and the joy within the tragedy.

    My heart continues to stay with you and your family.

  2. 2

    Pat my heart goes out to each and every one of you. I am so very sorry about losing Jackson, but I know you and your family will gain strength through this. Thank you so much for sharing. We love you so much and hurt with you. Hugs to you and your precious family.
    Jocelyn

  3. 3

    I have kept you and yours in my thoughts and prayers. I will continue to do the same for longer than I can predict. My daughter has been sending your daughter lots of healing thoughts and prayers. We are so sorry about the loss of Jackson but we hope you’ll have peace in your heart knowing that you have a very special angel in Heaven. Trust me when I say I know he’ll have lots of devine guidance.

  4. 4

    Through misty eyes, I want to thank you for your heart felt post. For sharing the love and the hope and for chosing better over bitter. You all were defintely surrounded by Angels from earth and Heaven.

    Hearing of the clouds parting and the light shining gives us all hope.

    God Bless you all!

  5. 5

    My heart is aching for you. Know that all of us Thimbles are here for you when you need us. Love you, Pat!

  6. 6

    I am one of those strangers, who only knows you through your blog. But know that my heart goes out to your family. I agree that you were surrounded by angels when you needed them the most. You have my prayers for healing.

  7. 7

    “In these trials of life I find
    Another Voice inside my mind
    He comforts me and bids me live
    Inside the love the Father gives.”

    With thoughts and prayers that the feelings of loss of this precious child and the grief in your family be filled with the presence of Our Father’s steadfast love. He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows. May God grant you peace… His peace, in the days ahead.

    My deepest sympathy… Karen

  8. 8

    dear, sweet pat….
    i follow many quilty blogs with google reader and this is the only way i know you. i rarely comment……
    but after reading your graceful account of the heartbreaking losses you and your family have endured, i feel compelled to let you know that i will hold you all in my good thoughts and prayers.
    may God bless you all.

  9. 9

    Oh Pat, ((hugs)) I, too, have kept you and yours close to my heart since I read your last post. I will continue to do so. You will continue to be surrounded by angels and God’s love.

  10. 10

    We have shared in your joy and we love and support you in this time. First as Pinheads, then as Stitchin Sisters and now as Thimbles. We love and care for you always. Karin

  11. 11

    Oh Pat…you have a long and tearful hug from me right now. You are so strong and faithful to have been able to write this and it may help in your healing. You have your angel when you hoped for a sweet baby to kiss. May each day be easier to understand and accept. I wish I could do more than tell you my prayers are with you.

  12. 12

    We don’t know each other, but I have been following your blog for a few weeks and always enjoy it. My heart hurt for you, reading of the loss of your grandson and have been thinking of you ever since. What you have written here is a wonderful testimonial to the love of your family. Thinking of you still…

  13. 13

    Pat I am sending you and the whole family love and more love. I need to get back to Thimbles and all of those amazing people who attend. Again know that love and prayers are sent your way

  14. 14

    Pat I am sending you and the whole family love and more love. I need to get back to Thimbles and all of those amazing people who attend. Again know that love and prayers are sent your way

  15. 15

    Pat I am sending you and the whole family love and more love. I need to get back to Thimbles and all of those amazing people who attend. Again know that love and prayers are sent your way

  16. 16

    Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing. My prayers are with you and your family.

    Psalm 46:10 – Be still, and know I am God.

  17. 17

    You wrote a beautiful, loving tribute to Jackson. I cried while reading and got chills when the sun came out and warmed you during his service. Hugged by God. 🙂 Russ and Emily are in my prayers. I, too, know the pain of losing an infant and even though 33 years have passed it is still painful. I am so glad the hospital staff knew exactly what to do for you and Jackson. You will cherish that time and those pictures forever. My Christy will live forever in my heart and in Heaven as Jackson will for you & your family. Please email me if you would like.

  18. 18

    Oh Pat, you and your family have been on my mind and heart! The words you shared here are such a beautiful reflection of your spirit. May you continue to feel the love and support you need at this time. Hugs.

  19. 19

    For myself, it is so hard to watch those we love suffer. When my husband lost his father it was horrible, horrible because I loved his dad and horrible because I loved my husband and hated to see him suffer. When I lost my father, I just had to suffer for myself, it was much easier (does that sound odd)

    You are one amazing person, you have a wonderful family and I am sure stronger because of it all. Not that we wish this on anyone and I do hope the peace and comfort will continue through out your lives.

  20. 20

    Pat – thank you for the courage to write this post. I talked to Trica last week and have been thinking of you and your family. Hugs to you.

  21. 21

    Hi:
    I have looked and looked for you to post, wondering and worrying about you and your family. I know that sounds weird,but I did think of you and worry that you would be ok. Not fine but ok. I am so glad that you are back, and can talk to us out here in blog land. I will continue to think of you and remember you all in our prayers. Know that you are loved in many ways.
    Hugs from afar,
    Vicki R
    [email protected]

  22. 22

    Your family has been on my mind and in prayers. God works in mysterious ways with reasons unknown but there is his plan. Somehow there is something greater for your littlest angel..then you will all meet again. Bless your heart.

  23. 23

    Thank you for sharing this very personal story with us. Your words have touched my heart, and I feel that I have learned a bit more about faith from your experience and your writing. I hold you and your family in my heart and prayers.

  24. 24

    Pat, I hope you will forgive me for crying as I read this.
    My heart is with you and you have been in my thoughts and prayers often.
    I am amazed at the strength you have to have written this. But then, many of us have prayed for that very strength for both you and Andy AND for Emily and Russ. So I should not be surprised, but rather thankful that you have that strength.
    The memorial sounds like it was both beautiful and comforting -as it should have been. I feel certain that the brief moment of sunlight (or is that the Son’s Light?) that shined during the message of HOPE was a reminder that God is always in control; even though we may not understand the why of it all.
    Know that I continue to pray for you and yours. If you need a shoulder, mine are here. I have had some “rough patches” in my life that have changed me. I hope that I have allowed them to make me a better person.
    (sorry if I rambled.) Peace be with you my friend.

  25. 25

    This is one of the most honest, amazing, touching posts I’ve ever read. Love you Pat. Love your family. Sorry for all your lost and grief and pain, but I feel the hope and brightness for the future throughout your words. BIg hugs and love and peace. See you Saturday. I’ll bring tissues.

  26. 26

    I went back to write on the first post of loss today and it was gone. I am so sorry for your loss. I am so glad you wrote and started the process. It is good to hear that the hospital staff was so lovely. I have been praying since the original post.
    I cried reading your post. It is amazing how things do work for good. I am glad you are choosing better.

  27. 27

    Pat, I am so sorry to hear about your loss of your precious grandson, Jackson – no words can even express my sadness for you and your family. I could not read this without tears in my eyes. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. Your faith, hope, love, and strength at this time are an inspiration. I pray that God continues to provide in this trying time. –Andrea

  28. 28

    Dear Pat, I’ve been thinking and praying for all of you. I had tears in my eyes as I read your post. My heart aches for your family but rejoices in the knowledge that you were not alone during this ordeal. It is heartening to know that Emily and Russ have such a loving family and caring friends. I am glad to hear that there is hope and pray they your children will find the path to parenting again. While I have never suffered the loss in they way they have, I have experience the pain on uncertainty of conceiving. It was a painful, experience but we were blessed with a beautiful son,and was well worth all the heartache. I know this is little comfort now. Just know that your family is in my prayers.
    Patty

  29. 29

    I have your family in my thoughts and prayers this past week. Sorry that I missed the service– out of town.

  30. 30

    I can not even think how hard it is to loose a child/ grandchild…..my heart is breaking for you and your family….you are in my thoughts and prayers.

  31. 31

    Words – yours were so tender in telling Jackson’s story. Tears are still in my eyes and your family in my heart. “Better” is so much better as everyone can go forward with that! May God bless you all………….

  32. 32

    I hope it helped to share Jackson with us by telling us about him, and his family, and that each day brings you more comfort.

  33. 33

    I am so very sorry and lift you, your family, and Emily and Russ up in prayer. Such a sweet and sorrowful post. I pray for better days ahead for all of you.

  34. 34

    Jackson will live in all your hearts forever. Many prayers to all of you in your moments of need. BETTER is best.

  35. 35

    We are so sorry for the loss of your precious grandson. The love you and your family share with each other and those around you is amazing. We will keep you all in our prayers.

    Pam Carlock

  36. 36

    Pat, I am so sorry for your loss. If I could reach through the screen, I would give you a big hug and hope that that would help. You and your precious family are in my prayers.

  37. 37

    Oh Pat! What can I say that hasn’t already been said? Our hearts are grieving with you and will continue to help see you through this dark time. Thank you so much for trusting us with your heart and the pain of this great loss. I pray that you will continue to find healing and HOPE from the comfort of your friends and family. I felt God’s Spirit stir in mine when I read what you shared about the sky clearing! Wow!!! God is so good! He gave you something to tell you to have hope and believe in a brighter day. =^..^=

  38. 38

    Pat,minhas orações estão com você e sua família.Quando os raios de sol vieram vos aquecer,era JESUS aquecendo os corações e dizendo:Não temas,eu sempre estarei com vocês.Jackson é um anjo de DEUS.E junto de DEUS intercederá por vocês, e por mim eu espero.Um abraço muito bem abraçado em você e seus familiares e amigos,com a força da fé e oração estamos juntos.Fique bem.

  39. 39

    Pat, thank you for sharing such a difficult time with us. I know what you must all be going through at the moment, as the same thing happened to my daughter when her baby died during the birth a few years ago. Her hospital did not handle it nearly as well as your daughter’s did.

    You’re all in my thoughts.

  40. 40

    Pat, Your love of family has always shone through in your blog, but never has it been more tender and loving than in this last posting. I know your heart is bursting with love and pride for your dear daughter, son, and little Jackson. My deepest sympathies to you and your family, along with prayers for hope and healing.

  41. 41

    Pat, Andy, Emily, Russ, and Mary Beth my heart goes out to all of you. As family you are amazing. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. Just remember that God has a plan and even though we might question it, everything happens for a reason.

  42. 42

    Although you and I have never met, I cried for you and your family’s loss. May God continue to be with you during this terrible time.

  43. 43

    Thank you for sharing your heart with us. You have been heavy on my mind for days.

    Yes, I am a stranger, we may never meet on this side of the veil, but I am also your sister. One day, we will be with our Savior and worshiping Him together, with Jackson.

  44. 44

    Oh Pat, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your daughter and family will be in my prayers. I’m glad that you have found comfort in Heavenly Father.
    I believe that families are forever and that someday your daughter and son in love will have Jackson again.

  45. 45

    Again I find that I am reading through tears and sniffles, even thought I only know you through your blog. I greatly admire the courage and strength it must have taken to share your story…Thank you so much. I’ve thought about you and your family often since the original post of losing Jackson, and continue to pray that family and friends are a source of strength, peace, and comfort.
    Bernie

  46. 46

    Pat, I am one of your long distance followers. Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry to hear about Sophie too, a double whammy. Give yourself time to grieve and time to heal. Hugs from France.

  47. 47

    I hope someday to meet you so I can give you a big hug and thank you for all the enjoyment, smiles, laughter and now tears your blog has brought to me. The message from this post is so touching and inspiring and to anyone who has suffered through such a sadness as this, heart wrenching. You have witnessed to us all the power of God’s Grace is sufficient to bring us comfort and peace in times of sorrow. God bless you and your family.

  48. 48

    It is so hard to have a sudden death.
    I will hold you in my heart and in my thoughts. Even though we don’t know each other, I still offer my hugs and prayers.

    Julia

  49. 49

    Thank you, Pat, for sharing this heart breaking story. I’ll admit that I was a bit concerned that the posts seemed “business as usual.” Heart breaking, but victorious. I’m tearful, but blessed in reading your story. You and all are in my prayers. While the reasons may be obscure at present, we know that his plan for us is perfect Jer 29:11

  50. 50

    Pat, believe me, I do know what you are feeling—the numbness, the sharp pain of seeing your children suffer the loss of their child, the seemingly constant tears…
    I was glad to see that you confirmed God’s arms around you when you needed it most! He is there, and will not let this experience go to waste! Praying for you and your husband, as well as the precious parents of little Jackson.

  51. 51

    Dearest Pat, I found your blog just as you were announcing the death of your grandson. Was it by chance? I lost my daughter two years ago (this past Monday) to breast cancer and still I’m trying to make sense of it all. I wish I could have been so open with my words at the time as you have shared with all of us. I will keep you all in my prayers for comfort and peace. XOXO

  52. 52

    Pat-the tears streamed down my face as I read of the loss of Jackson and the pain involved for you all…life should not be so hard. It was sweet of your dog to go be a guardian in heaven to him though another loss for you. I am glad you have faith to get you through and tons of friends and family who love you all. Thank you for sharing, and know I am praying for your family.

  53. 53

    Can I give you a big, teary-wet hug? Better still, will you give me one?

    I was so sorry to hear about the loss of your sweet Jackson. I know there aren’t any words I can think of or write that will truly ease the grief you, Andy, Emily and Russ are feeling, but I am comforted in knowing that your strong and abiding faith, and your deep love for each other will. I will keep you ~ collective “you” ~ in my thoughts and prayers.

    As for the “better not bitter”… you don’t have it in you to be bitter because you have always been “better”.

  54. 54

    Pat, what a great tribute to little Jackson. Your faith is amazing. I pray for some peace for you & your family. You have been on my mind.

  55. 55

    Pat, I am happy that your family had so many wise and conforting people around them during this sad time. I am glad you had Gods sunshining on you during Jackson memorial. I glad that your children have such wonderful friends to support them thru their loss. and finally, I am glad that you have Andy and he has you and you all have an angel watching over you and waiting for you. Here is to happy days for all of you.

  56. 56

    Hi Pat, my heart goes out to your family. Thank you for sharing your loss. You and your family will be in our thoughts and prayers. Tycoa

  57. 57

    Hi Pat, thank you for sharing your loss. You and your family will be in our thoughts and prayers. Consider this your BIG “virtual HUG”!! love ya, Tycoa

  58. 58

    Hi Pat, I sat here and just cried and cried reading your blog today. I didn’t make it Thimbles this month due to illness. My prayers go out to you and Andy, Mary Beth, Emily and Russ.
    As you said, times will get better.
    Hope to see you next month. Nancy M

  59. 59

    Hi Pat, I sat here and just cried and cried reading your blog today. I didn’t make it Thimbles this month due to illness. My prayers go out to you and Andy, Mary Beth, Emily and Russ.
    As you said, times will get better.
    Hope to see you next month. Nancy M

  60. 60

    Oh, my GOD, Pat…..I have been away from reading blogs for several days and am so saddened to read about all of this. I am not sure if you know Denise Panter (a quilter/blogger from Alabama) but her daughter had this same thing happen about 18 months ago (might be fuzzy on the date). So if you wish, I can put you in touch with Denise. She knows the agony a woman feels at watching her daughter and son-in-law go through something like this. (And I am happy to tell you that they had another pregnancy that resulted in a healthy baby a few months back)….but…of course, their loss of their son during the birth process is a pain that will never leave them. I know words don’t help, but I am so sorry and I will be praying for all of you.

  61. 61

    Pat, you did a lovely job of sharing that tragic day…I know, know, know how hard that was and how many tears were spilled in the process. I had e-mailed you at you wys4 e-mail addy on bellsouth — not sure if you got it. You and your daughter and family are in my prayers and in my daughter’s prayers. Sending lots of hugs to you. Denise 🙂

  62. 62

    Pat – I have been thinking of you and your family since Emily went to the hospital and thru tears have just read your update. I am again so sorry this happened, but obviously God was there with you through it all. I probably won’t see you again before we move next month to Oregon, but know that we are thinking about you all.

    Barb Cutler

  63. 63

    This is so incredibly heart wrenching. I know in my heart Sophie went to be with Jackson. Sometimes the wee angels still need a guardian angel.
    Sending light, love and hugs to you and your entire family.

  64. 64

    Although I only know you through your blog and book, I was so excited for you as you waited for your new grandson. How quickly joy can turn into unspeakable sorrow. My heart aches for you and your family. The loving support of family and friends will help you begin to heal.

  65. 65

    Pat, I don’t even know what to say. I am so sad for you and your family. I too, think it was good for you to write such a wonderful post. Sending hugs your way friend!

  66. 66

    Such a wonderful post. My own daughter is expecting my first grandchild in 5 weeks and as I have followed your blog, this has been especially heartwrenching. My heart goes out to you and your family. I have been going through some major troubles this past year, but as you so greatly put it, I choose to be better and not bitter. I know God has me in the palm of His hand and I will get through. I will keep you all in my prayers.

  67. 67

    Such a wonderful post. My own daughter is expecting my first grandchild in 5 weeks and as I have followed your blog, this has been especially heartwrenching. My heart goes out to you and your family. I have been going through some major troubles this past year, but as you so greatly put it, I choose to be better and not bitter. I know God has me in the palm of His hand and I will get through. I will keep you all in my prayers.

  68. 68

    Pat, I am so sorry for your terrible loss. What a horrible shock for you and your family.

  69. 69

    I know what it is to lose a child and my heart goes out to you and your family. I am convinced that brief moment of sunshine on the memorial day was indeed a message of comfort and hope from God. May you find peace in this time of grief.

  70. 70

    Pat,
    My heart goes out to your entire family. I just cried when I read the news about Jackson. Just know that I am sending hugs and prayers your way! God bless you all!
    Love,
    Leiann

  71. 71

    Thank you for sharing your story with us as well. I read your daughters first so my comments might seem in the wrong order. I appologize for that.

    I send you another bunch of hugs and I like that u chose better instead of bitter. Try to enjoy every day of life, even the hard and dark days. It helps in the long run.

    Hugs,

    /Lina

  72. 72

    Oh, how terribly sad. I am SO sorry. My mother lost my sister before I was born. Back then, they said to get pregnant as soon as you can. She did. My sister’s name was Sondra and mine is Sandra. I don’t know what is best in that regard, but I’m so glad that they can have more children. That was truly just a horrible , horrible accident that nobody could have seen coming I suppose. Bless their hearts. I will keep you in my prayers, I had no idea until now. This is so well written. I’m so glad that you posted this. I’m so thankful that everything went the way that it did for all of you…

  73. 73

    My heart goes out to all of you. There are just no words. Sending prayers of healing to you and your lovely family and your sweet little Jackson in heaven.

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